Slam Idol Podcast

Several months ago I submitted the infamous Harry Potter Erotic Fan Fiction to a poetry podcast. This podcast is different than most of them in that it is formatted as a contest. Once all of the entries have aired, the listeners vote on who they think is the best. The winner might receive amazing prizes beyond their wildest dreams, eternal internet fame, and untold riches. Or they might just win a t-shirt. I forget. You can listen to me here:
slamidolpodcast.com
(a word of warning if you don't know the poem. It is very sexually explicit. It is also very funny.)

If you are coming here from the Slam Idol Podcast, welcome! You may be my first visitors that don't actually know me in real life. You already know what you heard on the show, but let me tell you a few of the things that Simon left out. I am currently part of the team that will be representing Tucson at the National Poetry Slam in Madison, Wisconsin this August. *pauses for cheers* Also the double l's in "Ocotillo" are pronounced with a "y" sound. So it is pronounced: "Ocotiyo" So there.

Another thing that many of you may not know is that I am going to college this fall at Northern Arizona University to study Elementary Education. I also do not plan to walk to the National Poetry Slam or sleep on the streets of Madison. Words may be cheap, but they are not free. In short, I need money. There is a Paypal link on the left. If you don't want to give me a donation (All donations made for me to go to the National Poetry Slam are tax deductible, really) I may be able to do something for you. I know a lot about computers, teaching, anime, and I'm a pretty decent poet. If you are willing to pay for any of these skills send me an email. Okay, shameless begging is over now.

Since this podcast thing I can pretend I have an audience now, so I will probably be blogging more often. I have run out of clever words for today, so I'm am going to sign off now. Farewell!

Triumph

Man has triumphed over machine. The trophies I hold in my hand are the proof. You are confused, but fear not, there is tale to be told.

I was at the UofA Library on the computer and left for a bit to get something from the vending machine. I put my money in the machine and make my selection. This machine, in all it's cleverness has a device that blocks the food from the place where you collect to the food. This barrier only slides back during vending. So, I have put my money in the machine and the barrier is retracting. Once retracted, the food begin to move forward. but my cinnamon roll is exceptionally large and is trapped. Before I can say sugar coated, the barrier moves back into place, leaving me with no money and no food.

Well, not quite no money. I have a five dollar bill, but those are useless at such machines. I realize that the only way for me to get my food is to purchase the item in back of it. I know that any hungry college student will realize the same thing. But I am out of change. Not wanting my money to go to waste, and have someone receive two treats for the price of one, I begin running. I got to the student union, purchase a 25 cent chocolate and run back to the machine with my change.

My food is still there, dangling, but held firmly in place. I put in more money and select F8. My cinnamon roll falls, and much to my delight, something else falls after it. Behind my cinnamon roll was a row of carrot cakes. I now have three treats, the satisfaction of victory, and something to blog about.

Photoshopping

Just posting a little photoshop job that I did for the Ocotillo Poetry slam. I may using it for their website, which I am building.

Highschool Graduate Seeking Work

I don't know how many people read this blog, but it is certainly less than the number of people that read the resume section at Craig's List. Nevertheless I am going to repost what I posted there, here. My email is faldwin@gmail.com if you are interested in contacting me about my services.

I have about six weeks free this summer, from June 23rd to August 1st. I can be available before then, but the schedule gets complicated, but I will try if you want. I need about 800 dollars to help pay for me go to the National Poetry Slam In Madison, Wisconsin. If you would like to give me 800 dollars I would be eternally grateful, but as that is extremely unlikely here are some of the things I can provide for you.

I know a quite a lot about computers, so if you need a techie I'm your man. I can build basic webpages, work with MS Office and Windows, a little bit of Mac and I can type about 30wpm. I could set up your computer, even teach you how to use it if you want. I know a lot about how to work with various internet applications, so I could run your website/blog/forum. If I don't know how to use it there's a good chance I could figure it out.

As I mentioned before I am a poet. If you need a slam poet for your event, I would be happy to oblige. My poetry has a narrative/declamatory voice, rarely including rhyme or consistent meter. In other words my poetry is more about what I say, than how I say it. However, I still put a lot of thought and purpose into my delivery, because I write my poetry to be heard. Keep in mind that much of my work contains language and content that may be considered objectionable. I am also good at reciting the works of others. So if you want me to lend my voice to classic or modern works I can do that too.

Another of my areas of expertise is teaching. I plan to be a teacher, and have acquired significant experience in this field, for someone of my age. I can tutor your child in all manner of subjects, and I can even work with adults. If I know it, then I can teach it.

I may even be able to do something else. If there is something that you need done, send me an email and we'll talk. I am pretty open-minded.

Despite being open minded, there are certain things I will not do. These include, but are not limited to:
Doing anything illegal, immoral, or dangerous.
Doing anything of a sexual or romantic nature (I'm not that attractive, really)
Working extremely late at night.
Working on Friday or Saturday nights.
Producing work for you to claim as your own.
Working for free.

So if you are need of a poet, teacher, computer nerd or anything else anytime within the dates of June 23rd to August 1st (or before if you are willing to work with my schedule) please don't hesitate to send me an email. You don't have to provide the whole sum, but anything you can do to help out would be much appreciated.

You can donate money, or listen to some of my poems at my blog here:
faldwin.blogspot.com
(Click on “Recordings” to hear the poems)

Hopefully this will result in some interesting work that will help with my sticky financial situation.

Summer

This summer should be interesting. I have a whole bunch of things I would like to do, and I have no idea how many of them I will actuallly accomplish. But with any luck I will accomplish something.

Firstly, I am on the poetry team that is going to the National Poetry Slam in August. So I have practices and fundraisers for that. This is probably my first priority, but it's not going to take up all of my time. My other "goals" for the summer include the following.

There is an anime club at NAU, so I would like to get caught up on Naruto episodes, before the summer is over. I have about 70 episodes left of Naruto, and then there are about 70 or so of Naruto: Shippuden after that. This is a rather ambitious goal, but one I hope to at least make significant progress on.

After I get back from NAU Freshman Orientation, I would also like to get a job. This trip to Wisconsin for Nationals isn't going to pay for itself. That, and I would like to have a little money for college.

Which leads me to my departure from this house. While I'm not leaving forever, I would like to have a good idea of the location and status of most of my possesions. I have a bunch of books I haven't read, and I don't want to get rid of them. But I also would like to finish LotR this summer. I finished Fellowship a while back, so I'm re-reading it, and then moving on to the other two.

Then we have the novel. I haven't touched the thing in weeks, and next November is looming. I would like to have at least completed one viscious edit before starting on another novel. I may have to resume my schedule of early rising so that I can actually work without distractions. I've only done about 15 pages of 600 so far, so that is also a pretty ambitious goal.

I also would like to try to get a story published so that book publishers will look at me a little more seriously.

I also have a gew goals that are not progressive, but are still on the list. I would like to get a decent digital camera and take pictures downtown. I would like to recite poetry during a monsoon storm. And I would like to write a poem about tucson or the desert in general.

I'm going to try some progress bars here, to motivate me. Wish me luck on my ambitious summer plans!

Oh Yeah

12:00 am. Walking down Grant Road. Singing Irish Drinking Songs. Sober.

Best Memorial Day Ever.

The Evils of Television

This is not a rant about how television should be banned from homes. This is a rant about how television should be banned from my home.

As you may know from my last post, I am incredibly behind on my homework. Well now, I am even more behind. I had a full schedule of homework planned for tommorow. But I failed to realize that I would be incredibly exausted by the end of the day. I didn't get home until midnight on Wednesday, because I was meeting with the poetry team going to nationals. So I got home and slept for 2 hours. It took me thirty minutes to get going after that. I then spent a full hour reworking my schedule (Which wouldn't have taken so long, if Google Calendar would cooperate.) It was then 6:00. My brother turned on the television, and I ended up watching tv for three hours.

Now I need to rework my schedule once again. I may not get to play Oblivion until school gets out next Friday. I may also not be blogging here until then. I think I may even take Freen(my computer) off of my desk so I can get some work done.

Wish me luck!

Masochist Motivation

After many weeks (or was it months?) my computer has finally returned from the black hole that is my brother's school. A long time ago the motherboard died. So we had to order many new parts, but I ordered some of the wrong parts and we had to get more parts. Then we needed to buy an operating system. All of this needed to be installed, at my brother's school, where he has little to no time to do it. But his computer teacher is an expert and we wanted his guidance. But now it has returned, faster and more powerful than it ever was. The upside to this is it can now play Oblivion the way it was mean to be played.

Oblivion is a fantasy role-playing game, that has awesome graphics. But of course those awesome graphics require an awesome computer, which we now have. Previous to this upgrade we had two options for playing the game. We could play it on "Low" which, while it didn't look great, was at least passable, and allowed for some level of immersion. But there was the slight disadvantage of having to play at 5 frames per second . The other option was "Very Low". This allowed a very playable framerate of around 30fps. We could even turn up the resolution, and add distant landscape. The only thing that we lost was lighting effects. Immersion is instantly destroyed when it is as bright as day, even at night, and even in caves. Cave crawling was a lot of what I did, so my game experience was essentially ruined, because I could stand going back to 5fps. So I stopped playing. I played Morrowind for awhile becuase the graphics were better, so I could get something like immersion. But reading everyone's dialogue is just not the same as hearing them say it.

But now Oblivion has returned. It can be played at "Medium-High" And I'm not playing it. My brothers have been taunting me with stories of waving grass, and imposing towers in the distance, but I have stayed strong. I am behind on my homework, and I have decided that I will not play Oblivion until it is caught up. I have a plan that should have me caught up by Friday. I'm off to put it into my calendar. Wish me luck!

Free Comic Book Day

I have decided to do today's blog post in a slightly different format. If you are not aware of my Free Comic Book Day Quest, then scroll down to the previous post.

A Quest

For many years the comic book community has celebrated its holiest day. When Stan Lee stumbled across the following lost verses of the bible, the world knew that action had to be taken.

Thou shalt do all that in thy humanly power, to spread the good news about the holy medium of comick books
The sabbath that precedeth the second sabbath of the month of Maye, shall be a holy daye above all others.
This holy day shall be dubbed "Free Comick Book Daye" and shall be observed as follows:
The chosen few with the power and responsibility to create great works in this holy medium shall produce a comick specifically for this holy day
The Temples of Comicks shall give away these great works, along with any others they deem appropriate, without the expectation of recompense.

The catholic church refused to accept that there were really fifteen commandments. So the comics community acted without the support of the church. The publishers, producers, suppliers, retailers, and distributors all met and Free Comic Book Day was created. This is the seventh year that it will take place. In honor of this momentous occasion, I have planned a quest.

Tucson has four establishments participating in this holy day. I plan to travel to all four in a single day. I have no car, so I will be taking the bus. It is Saturday, so the buses do not run as often. But I have studied the schedules. I have a plan. I will succeed. At the end of my quest, I will have great tales of my journey. Watch this space tomorrow around five, for those stories.

May your spidey sense always tingle,
Faldwin

A Poet's Moment

This email is to inform everyone who might care, that this week I am going to be on the KXCI mini-program, "A Poet's Moment" This short program showcases one local poet a week, and this week that local poet is me. The show is on five times during the week. The times listed below may vary by a few minutes, so if you are planning on listening I would reccomend turning it on about five minutes early. You can listen at 91.3 FM, or if you are not near a radio, you can listen online at this link:
KXCI Stream

3pm Wednesday
8pm Wednesday
8am Saturday
2pm Sunday
10am Monday

WOOT!!

I will be going to the National Poetry Slam to represent Tucson. That is all.

To Lighten the Mood

The hour draws nigh. My slam is tonight. Yes I am afraid, but that is a good thing. Fear is a powerful motivational tool. So to further embrace the fear, here is the scariest video in the world. I want to buy one of these.

See more funny videos at CollegeHumor