Showing posts with label erotica. Show all posts
Showing posts with label erotica. Show all posts

Friday, July 11, 2008

Slam Idol Podcast

Several months ago I submitted the infamous Harry Potter Erotic Fan Fiction to a poetry podcast. This podcast is different than most of them in that it is formatted as a contest. Once all of the entries have aired, the listeners vote on who they think is the best. The winner might receive amazing prizes beyond their wildest dreams, eternal internet fame, and untold riches. Or they might just win a t-shirt. I forget. You can listen to me here:
(a word of warning if you don't know the poem. It is very sexually explicit. It is also very funny.)

If you are coming here from the Slam Idol Podcast, welcome! You may be my first visitors that don't actually know me in real life. You already know what you heard on the show, but let me tell you a few of the things that Simon left out. I am currently part of the team that will be representing Tucson at the National Poetry Slam in Madison, Wisconsin this August. *pauses for cheers* Also the double l's in "Ocotillo" are pronounced with a "y" sound. So it is pronounced: "Ocotiyo" So there.

Another thing that many of you may not know is that I am going to college this fall at Northern Arizona University to study Elementary Education. I also do not plan to walk to the National Poetry Slam or sleep on the streets of Madison. Words may be cheap, but they are not free. In short, I need money. There is a Paypal link on the left. If you don't want to give me a donation (All donations made for me to go to the National Poetry Slam are tax deductible, really) I may be able to do something for you. I know a lot about computers, teaching, anime, and I'm a pretty decent poet. If you are willing to pay for any of these skills send me an email. Okay, shameless begging is over now.

Since this podcast thing I can pretend I have an audience now, so I will probably be blogging more often. I have run out of clever words for today, so I'm am going to sign off now. Farewell!

Wednesday, February 20, 2008


As requested, here is the Harry Potter Erotic Fan Fiction poem. Just a quick disclaimer, and then the poem.
This poem contains explicit content and language of a sexual nature. You may be disturbed by it, you may even be horrified. There is also a high probability of hilarity and extreme entertainment. You have been warned.


I am trying not to sound like a sore loser, but I should have won that Poetry Out Loud thing yesterday. I rocked my poems. Several people complimented me on how well I did them. I also heard that a few people were as disappointed with the results as I was. I got second, which is great, but the guy that won got second in state last year. I hate it when the same old people win.

The good news is that someone from my school news was there recording the whole thing. I have connections there, so I may be able to get ahold of the video files so you guys can see for yourself. I also heard rumors that the videos may be posted on the U of A website, but that seems slightly unlikely as there would be a lot of hoops to jump through.

Sorry for the depressive post. So to make it up to you, I bring you this piece of good news. I am hopefuly going to get my HP Erotic fanfic poem recorded and posted soon. I worked on recording it yesterday, and it kept coming out wrong. Hopefully it will work out better today.

Update: I just recorded the poem, and I will be posting it this afternoon.

Saturday, February 16, 2008


The point is not the points. The point is the poetry.

These are the words of the Chicago construction worker, Marc Smith (SO WHAT?!), the man who invented slam poetry. I do slams once or twice a month, when they have them. Tonight's slam was an interesting one. It was the Valentines Day Slam with three parts Love Me, Do Me, Leave Me. In other words love poems, sex poems and break up poems.

For the first part I did a poem about an internet girlfriend (a fictional one, I promise). My sex poem was about Harry Potter Erotic Fan Fiction. Then I did a break up poem making fun of break up poems.

The internet girlfriend one, always goes over well. But I rocked the second round, in which I got three 10s and some other scores I don't remember. Then the third round I got another ten, but the other scores were average.

There was a winner named for each round and one for the cumulative score. I won the second round with my poem. The prize was somewhat awkward (flavored lube), but it was great.

At this point you are probably wondering about the title of this post. Well I should be estatic, but I'm not. I was happy when I did the poem, and right after. I was happy when I saw my scores. But when I found out I won, my first thought was "what am I supposed to do with flavored lube?"

I realized I have reached a sort of poetic nirvana. The only thing that matters to me is the poetry, not the points. Of course that will all go down the tube when someone gives me a 2, and it hurts.