Threesome

Because I am not really able to commit to anything, I have decided, instead of the traditional, one subject per post, this post will be about three, totally unrelated things.

The first topic is yet another one of shame. Normally the last Saturday of the month would also be the fourth Saturday. But this weekend it was the fifth Saturday. You might wonder why this is a topic of shame. If you are not wondering, than I am incredibly impressed. Cookies for you! (virtual ones) For those of you cookieless people still in the dark, I will explain.

The Tucson Premiere Open Mic is held on the second and fourth Saturday of the month. Thinking that this past Saturday was the fourth Saturday, I showed up planning to read poetry and found the place nearly abandoned. Confused, I hiked back to the library (a five minute walk) and checked the website. The event was still being held on the second and fourth Saturday. Some part of me must have realized that, because I looked for a calendar online, and soon found that it was indeed the fifth Saturday of the month. We need to go back to a lunar calendar. All the months have the same number of days. It would simplify things greatly.

Our second topic is the one that I mentioned before. Ninja Comics! As promised, here is yet another ninja comic. If people have difficulty reading my chicken scratch I will gladly translate.



Now we move on to the third and final subject of the day. This was an image created by an online generator. I think I look pretty good as an old guy, don't you think?

The Old Timer’s Machine

Have a go, and see what you look like when you’re old

Shame

Once more I have neglected to cater to the needs of audience. Once more I have failed to provide a recording of one of my poems. I realize this is the third week in a row, but their is good news. I don't have any other recordings available to post. This means that next Saturday I will have something original to post. Until then here is a recording of me reading, "Danse Russe" by William Carlos Williams.

Realistic

Two thing happened recently that inspired this post. The first is the meltdown of the family computer. Because we have little money and my brother has access to a computer teacher willing to help us, we decided we would simply buy all the parts we needed and save a whole lot of money. Which we did. But in the process I learned a great deal about computer hardware. Trying to decipher all the massive lists of specs to figure out if all the parts you just chose will work with each other is a complicated task. But I found it to be quite enjoyable. (Yes I am a computer nerd, it says so in my profile to the left)

The other is a post I did recently entitled "Dream" in it I maxed out all the stats on a Mac Pro, and found that I could finally accomplish my dream of world domination if only I could scrape up 23,000 dollars. Today, as the post title indicates I am doing a slightly more realistic build. This time of a PC. These were the rules I set down for myself.

1. I must spend as little money as possible
a. Exception: Because I am trying to be realistic I decided that I would spend up to five extra dollars per product in the name of increased performance
2. The sum of all the parts must be able to result in a fully functional computer.
3. All parts must be available on Newegg.com
4. No monitor, mouse, or keyboard is neccessary. (I already have those)

So after much head scratching, clicking, and replacement of products, this is what I ended up buying.

A black and silver case with included power supply ($38)
An 80 GB hard drive ($36)
An AMD motherboard with an onboard graphics chip ($40)
A CD-ROM drive ($12)
A 512 MB RAM stick ($10)
A 2.2 Ghz AMD processor ($45)

Even when you add in the price of shipping the total comes to a paltry sum of 210 dollars. You might wonder why everyone doesn't do this. Just figuring out what to buy took all of my nerd powers. Then you have to put it all together, without breaking any of the expensive parts. It doesn't require years and years of training, but you need to know what you're doing.

Then comes the operating system. There is no way that this thing would run Vista, and it would have a hard time with XP. Plus both of those operating systems cost money. I built this system with If I ever happen to come across a spare 200 bucks I might do this, if only for the sake of testing the limits of my nerdiness.

If anyone that know about building PCs is reading this, I would be much obliged if you would check my work. As far as I know it will all work together, but you never know.

As I write this post I realize that this computer needs a name. I've always like the idea of naming computers, but never had the chance. I have decided that this computer will be called Siddhartha. This is both because of its spartan nature, and because it is the book I am reading right now.

I realized also that the computer I am typing this on needs a name. It is an older iMac, that I got as a gift. I have decided to name it Freen. I have three reasons for this. The first is that it was free, so that is in the name. The second is that Freen, rhymes with sheen, which reminds me of the eternal Mac sexiness. The third reason is that Freen rhymes with green, which is the color of the speakers and side panels.

Wow, this has been a long post. If you've made it this far I'm impressed. But fortunately for you, this post is over. I'm off to read Siddhartha.

Most

I found out yesterday that I was voted most intellectual male for the yearbook. After they took our picture, I began to think about how I came to have this honor bestowed upon me. Somehow, despite my mediocre grades and persistent laziness, I have still managed to maintain the smart guy reputation I had when I was acing my classes in my sleep. I realized that this was a result of two things.

The first is that highschool students understand the lazy genius phenomenom much better than younger students. In middle school when people found out that my grades were dropping, the usual response was "But I thought you were smart." Now in highschool, I get that much less now, and when someone does say that they will readily accept the answer of "Yes, but I'm also lazy"

The second reason is that even though homework is a rarity for me, in class I still have the attitude of a smark kid, I know the answers to questions, and I often ace tests (something that annoysand confuses teachers when I ace the test without doing any of the homework) There may be other more intellectual males, but I don't know him, and I am not turning down another picture in the yearbook. Besides, if ten years from now I'm living on the street because I dropped out of college becuase I didn't do my homework, I'll at least have something to my name.

Green

I bring you the beginning of a new series of posts: Ninja Comics! Every Monday I will post a new ninja comic. If you don't like my sense of humor, shut up. If you don't like my art, go away. but if you wish to shower me with praise for my amazing wit, then feel free. The first comic is entitled: Green Ninja. This one is in color, but the others will not be.

Easter

This year for Lent I set myself the task of keeping a blog. The "rules" that I set up for myself were that I must post at least every other day. Even though I failed to do this on two occasions, I do not think that I have failed. The goal of this Lenten commitment was to see whether I enjoyed blogging. I have found that I do, and intend to keep at it. In fact, I will probably continue at a similar rate. This Lenten experiment has given me 33 posts and inspiration for many more. Tommorow, I hope to begin a new series of posts. Until then, happy Easter!

Jabberwocky

I have been rather congested lately, so I haven't been able to record another poem for you all. So once more I have a poem by someone else, but read by me. This one I have blogged about before. This is pretty close to the performance I gave at the Poetry Out Loud competition. the one that got me second place. I am going to change my schedule to posting poems on Saturdays because I won't really have access to a decent computer on Wednesday for a while. You won't see anything this Saturday, but next Saturday I should have a poem for you all. Hopefully my allergies will have cleared up and I can record one of my own poems.

Homework

There are two reasons that this post is short. One of them is because I don't have any ideas, the other is because of the title.

Tragedy...

Just kidding!

I am getting a beret from a friend of mine, so all is well. Hope to see many of you at the slam tonight.

YAY POETRY!

Beret

Many of you that know me, know me by my beret I have hat for years now, and wear it always to church and poetry events. I will also occasionally wear it other places. That is where the trouble lies. The beret is currently out of my possesion. I put it in my pocket it Target to listen to the Bose headphones (amazing by the way) I realized later that it was not in my pocket. When I went back, the store had just closed. They let me check the lost and found, but it was not there. It opens tommorow at eight, so I am planning on calling to see if the cleaning crew picked it up.

I have been close to losing it before. But if I do not get it back, then I will see if someplace in Tucson will sell me one. It will not be the same one that was with me for so many years, but it will be a beret. I think I look pretty damn good in a beret, and people have come to expect it of me. How could I ever call myself, the Dashing French Pilgrim without a beret?

I don't know where I would buy a beret in Tucson, but presumably it is possible. It is a somewhat common hat. I'm thinking a costume store would be my best bet. But I want to be a real, wool beret, and not a fake costume one. I will wait to research until I am sure I have lost my original one though.

Teacher

This Wednesday I have a recording for you, but it not one of my poems. This is me reading the poem, "What Teachers Make" by Taylor Mali. This poem, was what got me into slam poetry. That combined with the teacherly subject, makes this poem one of my favorites. In order to get the last few lines I have to explain, a bit though.

If you've got this
Then you follow this,
And if anyone tries to judge you, based on what you make,
You give them this!

On the first "this" the poet points to his head. The second this, the poet points to his heart. And the third this, the poet gives a good 'ol fashioned middle finger. Got it? Good. Here's me doing the poem. If you are interested, in hearing how Taylow Mali does it, search his name or the poem name on YouTube, and there are a few recordings.

Deathmatch

This post is linked to on the left. Below is Lindsay's email about Saturday's event. I hope to see as many of you there as possible:

Hey y'all,

This weekend the Ocotillo Slam brings you the poetic stylings of the inimitable Kim Johnson! Kim's gift for wordplay and dirty haiku made her a huge hit last year, and if you missed her that time, don't make the same mistake again!

Kim will be giving a poetry workshop on Saturday afternoon, 3:00 pm at Bentley's focusing on haiku. The workshop costs $5 and is well worth it! If there's a good turnout to the workshop or a few haikusters eager to share their stuff, we will have a Haiku Death Match before the slam to see who can REALLY walk the walk (in 17 syllables or less!).

Saturday, March 15, 2008
Bentley's House of Coffee and Tea
1730 E Speedway, Tucson

6:30 Sign-up
7:00 Featured poet KIM JOHNSON & Haiku Death Match
8:00 The Coronation Slam hosted by MICKEY RANDLEMAN--Watch your favorite local poets and newcomers battle it out for fame, glory, $50 and the Crown of Golden Laurel Leaves!

All ages
Suggested donation $5

Poets, this IS a qualifying event for Team Tucson 2008, and the day of reckoning is drawing nigh, so get your points in while you can! For more info on qualifying check out http://poetryslam.com/forum/index.php?topic=3799.0

See you Saturday,
Lindsay

Dream

I was playing around on the Apple website, and created the computer of my dreams. Observe its supreme awesomeness:

Two 3.2Ghz processors
32 Gigabytes of RAM
4 Terabytes of harddrive space
NVIDIA Quadro FX 5600 1.5 GB
2 30" widescreen HD monitors
2 Super Drives (both capable of playing, and burning CDs and DVDs with Dual-Layer support)
Airport Extreme card for connecting to Wi-Fi networks
Wireless Mighty Mouse
Wireless Keyboard
iWork '08 (Apple Office Suite)
Final Cut Express 4 (professional video editor)
Logic Express 8 (professional audio editor)
HP Photosmart C7280 All-In-One Printer, Scanner, Copier
AppleCare Protection Plan (extended warranty and support)

This computer could run ten, high end, next generation games at the same time, without blinking. This computer is overkill incarnate. Computers won't need this sort of power for years. This computer could take over the world, three times over, while rendering an entire computer animated feature film, in the time it takes to check your email. This is the Mac Pro. It will not simply blow your mind, it will twist it in so many ways you will be convinced that you are a pineapple ballerina. Fortunately this computer probably has the power to examine the complicated processes of the human brain and figure out how to straighten you out again. But there is one reason I have not already ordered this beautifully terrifying machine. Click the link below and look at the column on the right. You'll see what I mean.

Mac Pro

Okay

Considering we were a doing this for the first time, we actually did pretty good at that mock trial team. The first round we went against UHS, so we really had no chance. That's one of those college prep highschools, and those people have some crazy drive. Then we went up against St. Gregory's and actually did pretty decent. Then we went against Cholla. They did rather badly, and we probably beat them, but didn't perform nearly as well as we had in the previous rounds. But I was a witness, and I rocked it. The guy who cross examined me had no idea, and ended up sounding like an idiot. So, overall a good day.

But, it did have one unfortunate downfall. There was an open mic that I wanted to go to, the Tucson Premiere Open Mic. They hold them every second and fourth Saturday of the month. I am definitely planning on going to the one on the 29th of this month. I couldn't go to the one today, because this whole mock trial thing took most of the day. But unless something major happens I should be at the one at the end of the month. Click on the link above for show specifics.

Impending

I woke up at about 3:00 this morning on my own. Normally I would have
gone back to sleep, but then I looked at the clock, and realized what
day it is.

It's Friday. I have a mock trial competition tomorrow.
Am I really as ready as I could be? Did I work hard enough? I realized
I didn't know the answer to that question. I hope to be able to work on
it this morning a bit.

I suppose I won't really know until tomorrow. Our teacher seems to have confidence in us, so that at least is reassuring.

Girlfriend

I realized that all of the poems I have posted so far have had a common theme. So I decided to post this one, which follows that theme. Next week I will post something different, but for now here is another poem. If you scroll down you can listen to all of my poems in one playlist. Or you can click on the link on the left.

Edit: The poem that was originally here is an older version that is not as good. The newer version can be found here

Recordings

There is a link to this post on the left. This is a playlist of all my poems I have recorded thus far. I will make new posts for each new posting of a poem, but will update this playlist so all my poetry can be accessed on a single page. Some of the poems on this list may have objectionable content and language. Be warned.

Money

I hate money. I like the things that money gets you, I just don't like money. The endlessly complicated systems of money exchange are enough to make one's head spin. We should just go back to a bartering system

Comatose

The sticky remains of a cheap McDonalds sundae sit in my lap. Spanish crooners vibrate in my ears because that's the only station that comes in. I try to ignore the pain in my sunburnt face, but it is impossible to ignore my scarlet complexion staring back at me in the rearview mirror. My mouth is slightly agape, and my eyes are barely open. I wonder how long it would take anyone to notice if I died. I wonder if I would notice if I died. Then I see my chest rising and falling in synchronisity with the radio's static. Oh well, I guess I'm not dead.

Images of dizzying heights, terrifying beauty, and rolling, tumbling, hardcore wipeouts float in and out of my head. I can't tell if I'm remembering these things, or dreaming them. I consider falling asleep, but then I realize that if I'm already asleep, going to sleep might wake me up.

And so I sit, trying to ignore the pain, but failing; trying to understand the Spanish lyrics, but failing; and trying to fall asleep, but failing.