3.14 Ways to Have Hot Nerd Sex

Many people seem to be under the impression that nerds don't get any. What people seem to forget is that nerds come in all genders. If you and your geeky girlfriend needs some ways to spice up your sex life here are 3.14 tips.

1) Use a textured condom and roleplay Klingon lovers. Especially effective if she likes to bite.

2) Roleplay is great, but Cosplay is better. Nothing turns on a girl more than reenacting the lemon fanfic your wrote when you were sixteen. Those giant hair spikes can do so much more than make you look awesome.

3) For the S&M nerds, roleplay as OSX and Vista ("You've been a bad OS, haven't you? You need to be punished.")

3.14) Just before penetration, these five syllables alone are sure to drive her wild.
Kame Kame Ha!

Anyone else have ideas. Cookie for the best one.

Requested

As requested, here is the Harry Potter Erotic Fan Fiction poem. Just a quick disclaimer, and then the poem.
This poem contains explicit content and language of a sexual nature. You may be disturbed by it, you may even be horrified. There is also a high probability of hilarity and extreme entertainment. You have been warned.

Disfairitude

I am trying not to sound like a sore loser, but I should have won that Poetry Out Loud thing yesterday. I rocked my poems. Several people complimented me on how well I did them. I also heard that a few people were as disappointed with the results as I was. I got second, which is great, but the guy that won got second in state last year. I hate it when the same old people win.

The good news is that someone from my school news was there recording the whole thing. I have connections there, so I may be able to get ahold of the video files so you guys can see for yourself. I also heard rumors that the videos may be posted on the U of A website, but that seems slightly unlikely as there would be a lot of hoops to jump through.

Sorry for the depressive post. So to make it up to you, I bring you this piece of good news. I am hopefuly going to get my HP Erotic fanfic poem recorded and posted soon. I worked on recording it yesterday, and it kept coming out wrong. Hopefully it will work out better today.

Update: I just recorded the poem, and I will be posting it this afternoon.

Hmm...

The point is not the points. The point is the poetry.

These are the words of the Chicago construction worker, Marc Smith (SO WHAT?!), the man who invented slam poetry. I do slams once or twice a month, when they have them. Tonight's slam was an interesting one. It was the Valentines Day Slam with three parts Love Me, Do Me, Leave Me. In other words love poems, sex poems and break up poems.

For the first part I did a poem about an internet girlfriend (a fictional one, I promise). My sex poem was about Harry Potter Erotic Fan Fiction. Then I did a break up poem making fun of break up poems.

The internet girlfriend one, always goes over well. But I rocked the second round, in which I got three 10s and some other scores I don't remember. Then the third round I got another ten, but the other scores were average.

There was a winner named for each round and one for the cumulative score. I won the second round with my poem. The prize was somewhat awkward (flavored lube), but it was great.

At this point you are probably wondering about the title of this post. Well I should be estatic, but I'm not. I was happy when I did the poem, and right after. I was happy when I saw my scores. But when I found out I won, my first thought was "what am I supposed to do with flavored lube?"

I realized I have reached a sort of poetic nirvana. The only thing that matters to me is the poetry, not the points. Of course that will all go down the tube when someone gives me a 2, and it hurts.